Man Calls To Inform Previous Sexual Partners He’s Contracted The Curse Of The Pharaoh

WINSTON-SALEM, NC—His worst fears confirmed after an examination of his pubic region revealed a plague of genital locusts, area man Justin Frausto reportedly called several of his previous sexual partners Monday to inform them he had contracted the curse of the pharaoh. “Hey, Kaylie! Sorry for the bad news, but I wanted to be completely honest and let you know I’ve tested positive for King Tut’s Curse,” Frausto said in a voicemail to a woman he had recently dated, explaining that the pox had likely been placed upon him when he spent the night in the tomb of a strange mummy earlier this year. “Hopefully you’re in the clear, but you should definitely get checked out if you notice a venomous asp in your urine or anything like that. A mummy’s curse can cause bad luck, blackened and shriveled genitals, or death, so I just wanted to give you a heads-up.” At press time, sources confirmed Frausto had forwarded his previous sexual partners a list of affordable Egyptian high priests in the area.