MANDAN, ND—Genuinely at a loss as to how else they could account for the smiling, seemingly contented individual, witnesses reported Tuesday that local happy man Leonard Olson, 36, must either be stupid or evil. “I’m not sure what that grinning fucker’s deal is, exactly—maybe he’s a completely corrupt and appalling person, maybe he’s just a dumbass,” said passerby Jason Hansen, who appeared bewildered by the visibly cheerful Olson, adding that the man either had no clue about the horrible things going on around him every day, or was knowingly and deliberately causing the horrible things going on around him every day. “I’m not sure which it is. It’s actually pretty hard to tell. Of course, there’s always a chance it’s both. That happens sometimes. But if that self-satisfied piece of shit isn’t totally brainless, he’s definitely a sociopath.” Reached for comment, Olson told reporters he was only happy because he had just scored some ketamine and, later on, he would be sad again.
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