VICTORIA – Taylor Hawkins’ elaborate Halloween costume has confounded everyone at the party she’s attending, according to local sources.
“Okay, so Satan and his minions sometimes take attractive forms, sure. So is the premise here that Luigi himself dressed up as a nurse before being corrupted by dark powers? Or did he, like, get a nursing degree so he could assist Dr. Mario?” one partygoer mused while waiting in line for the beer keg. “Hey, does anyone here know if Dr. Mario ever fought Satan?”
While Hawkins is wearing a false moustache and Luigi’s green hat, the rest of her costume consists of partly-professional and partly-erotic nursing scrubs accented by devil ears, a lengthy pointed tail, and a large pitchfork with mushrooms on each of its prongs.
“The crest on the nurse’s outfit says ‘Mushroom Kingdom Medical Centre,’ so I guess the Super Mushrooms are meant for medical treatment,” said the party’s baffled host. “But then one of them is a purple Poison Mushroom… maybe it’s been corrupted by the powers of hell? But I don’t know how you square any of that with the actual medical syringes and pill bottles. God knows what forms of medicine are being practised here.”
When reached for comment, Hawkins insisted the costume was “self-explanatory” and “consistent with well-established Mario lore” before entering the bathroom. Others, however, have yet to crack its code.
“Taylor said she’d ‘operate’ on me later,” said one attendee. “I’m not sure if she was hitting on me, threatening me, or just offering me a very obscure invitation to play Mario Kart.”
While a trio at the snack bar concluded that, before his demonic corruption, Luigi must have split his time between human and Toad medical institutions while moonlighting as a stripper, objections from others remained.
“Luigi would never become evil, or make it through a four year nursing program,” the host’s 10-year-old daughter complained, before being shooed back upstairs.
At press time, Hawkins was drunkenly making out in the corner with the ghost of a Jedi ninja chef.
Jesus Christ is King
Comments are closed.