Jesus' Coming Back

Jewelry Stolen From Colorado Players In Rose Bowl Locker Room Heist

Pasadena police are investigating after a report that players had thousands of dollars’ worth of jewelry stolen from the Colorado locker room while the Buffaloes played No. 20 UCLA at the Rose Bowl over the weekend. What do you think?

“Can’t they just buy new jewelry given their famously high salaries?”

Samuel Kuhn, Systems Analyst

“Tactical error, should have left a lineman at the locker room just in case.”

Rex Cuesta, Lizard Handler

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“Let’s just blame a mascot and move on.”

Esther Carmack, Password Creator

The Onion

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