Surgeon General Warns Loneliness Epidemic Could Force More Americans To Sing Both Parts Of Karaoke Duet

WASHINGTON—In what he described as a dire situation that could lead to a public health crisis, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy warned Tuesday that the ongoing loneliness epidemic could result in more Americans being forced to sing both parts of a karaoke duet. “As chronic loneliness spreads across our nation, it takes a devastating toll and leaves many people with no choice but to sing both the boy and girl parts of a karaoke duet,” said Dr. Murthy, who estimated that next year as many as 160 million U.S. residents—nearly half the population—could be forced into an awkward low baritone or grating high falsetto after trying and failing to get someone to join them on stage. “We are working closely with the Centers for Disease Control to ensure at-risk Americans stay away from songs like ‘Summer Nights,’ ‘A Whole New World,’ and ‘Don’t Go Breaking My Heart’ until they meet a willing friend or partner they can share the microphone with. Stepping to the left of the mic to do the female part and to the right to do the male part has long been ignored as a serious health concern. It’s time to change the stigma around people admitting this whole situation is very sad.” Dr. Murthy went on to say that even Americans not yet affected by the loneliness epidemic should be mindful of avoiding exposure to the palpable sadness of witnessing a person try to do both voices in public.