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Concerning New Study Finds Nation’s Poverty Growing Faster Than Officials Can Build Prisons

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WASHINGTON—A concerning new study released Monday by the Federal Bureau of Prisons found that the nation’s poverty is growing faster than officials can build prisons. “The data shows that the number of people becoming destitute is currently outstripping our ability to set up new correctional facilities to imprison them,” said agency director Colette Peters, adding that unnecessary red tape, stringent regulations, and irksome health and safety standards are preventing the government from building more cells at the 11.5% growth rate necessary to match the rising number of people who need all their rights taken away. “Despite the construction of new $1 billion supersize prisons capable of holding thousands of impoverished Americans, many of the millions living below the poverty line will, unfortunately, still fall through the cracks if the speed of prison construction does not increase. We must redouble our efforts to house these people in dangerous, overcrowded facilities with poor sanitation to keep up with the number of Americans struggling to survive financially.” At press time, Congress allocated $100 billion dollars of funding to increase the number of prisons being built so that not one American who has fallen on hard times will be overlooked by the prison industrial complex.

The Onion

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