Experts: Most Relationships Fall Apart Moment Man Playfully Tries But Fails To Pick Up Girlfriend

DAVIS, CA—Calling it the leading threat to the longevity of heterosexual relationships, psychologists at the University of California, Davis, told reporters Tuesday an overwhelming majority of intimate partnerships fall apart the moment a man playfully tries but fails to lift his girlfriend into the air. “Once a man has painfully grunted during an unsuccessful attempt to pick up his female partner and spin her around in a carefree manner, the couple’s bond is permanently severed,” said Professor Marvin Quinn, a relationship expert who explained that almost 90% of breakups occur when a moment of laughter and flirtation comes to sudden halt because a man has thrown his arms around a woman and then pulled her up no further than onto her toes, despite her pleading, “No, please, don’t try to pick me up.” “Our research shows that the woman will not only take this as a sign that her partner thinks she’s fat, but that their whole relationship has been a ruse in order to set her up for this moment of humiliation. In most cases, the relationship is over and done with before her heels have even returned to the ground.” The experts went on to confirm that 100% of couples who can do the iconic lift from the end of Dirty Dancing become lifelong soulmates.