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House Votes To Censure 66% Of Americans For Antisemitic Support Of Ceasefire

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WASHINGTON—Pushing through the measure in response to recent nationwide opinion polls, the U.S. House of Representatives voted Thursday to censure 66% of Americans for their antisemitic support of a ceasefire in Gaza. “Today, this censure sends a clear message that our Congress will not tolerate the dangerous calls for peace perpetrated by 80% of Democrats, 57% of independents, and 56% of Republicans,” said House Speaker Mike Johnson, who further added that elected officials could not continue to turn a blind eye to the roughly 225 million out of 340 million Americans who expressed the bigoted view that Israel’s attacks on Palestinian civilians should end. “In a clear vote of 234-188, Democrats and Republicans stand united in our belief that the vast majority of Americans cannot continue to spread hate by acknowledging that a war that has claimed the lives of over 10,000 Gazans, most of them women and children, might be bad. While we believe in free speech, this time, an overwhelming number of U.S. voters have taken it too far.” At press time, Johnson could be heard admonishing Americans and warning that if they continued their antisemitic calls for ceasefire they would all be expelled from the country forever.

The Onion

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