COLUMBUS, OH—In a fiercely contested vote that had escalated tension among advocates on both sides of the issue, Ohio voters narrowly defeated a measure this week that would have required the government to detonate nuclear warheads throughout the state. “What this outcome shows is that even in a highly polarized national environment, local issues such as whether or not to vaporize the entire population of Ohio can still win out,” said political strategist Sarah Tennenbaum, who described the 53% vote against dropping atomic bombs on every major city and town throughout Ohio as a “wake-up call” for local supporters of the Nuke Ohio platform. “Despite President Biden’s flagging approval rating, we’ve seen Ohio voters across the political spectrum rally and make their voices heard on the obliteration of every man, woman, and child in a catastrophic hellfire. Really, getting dissolved in a 100-kiloton nuclear blast seems to be one of the few issues left that can unify voters.” At press time, the Ohio Supreme Court had voted 4-3 to overturn the measure on constitutional grounds and let the nukes fly.
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