Eric Adams Already Sitting In Turnstile Jumper’s Apartment When She Turns On Light

QUEENS, NY—Emerging from the darkness in a dramatic act of menace, New York Mayor Eric Adams was reportedly already sitting in a turnstile jumper’s apartment Friday when she entered her living room and turned on the light. “Ah, yes, I’ve been waiting for you, Stephanie. My apologies, did I make you jump?” said Adams, who ominously pulled out a MetroCard to use as a prop during a monologue about crime and punishment. “You fare evaders, you all think you’re so clever, but I’ve had my eyes on you ever since the 111th Street J station. Did you think I would forget? I hope you had a nice ride, because I’ve already taken the liberty of collecting the $2.90 fare from around your apartment. But of course, that is not all I’ll be taking from you. Now let’s see if you can jump this.” At press time, sources confirmed Eric Adams was pointing a gun at the turnstile jumper.