Sellout Poet Made Over $150 In 2023 Alone

CHICAGO—Blasting the writer for clearly abandoning his artistic ideals in pursuit of commercial success, sources confirmed Monday that sellout poet Cullen Quinn Roberts had earned over $150 in 2023 alone. “God, this hack is practically rolling in it after having his chapbook Anagram Arpeggio published by a small press—what happened to doing it for the sake of the art?” said fellow poet Camille Yau-Mosley, describing how Roberts had sacrificed all of his principles in a ravenous pursuit of fame and fortune that had allowed him to earn $153.50 and reach an estimated audience of 35 readers through his four appearances in print. “Plus, he did that blowout reading at Moonlight Books in front of, like, five people. It’s like he forgot what poetry is all about, and now it’s just money, money, money for him. Fucking unbelievable.” Sources urged the artistic imposter to come back down to earth and spend some time with the mere mortals who only got paid with two complimentary copies of the literary journals in which their poems had been published.