Aunt Calling Every Week Leading Up To Holiday To Make Sure There’ll Be Vodka

ELMHURST, IL—Seeing her Aunt Nance’s number appear for the third time since Halloween, local niece Liz Kaminsky, 37, reported Thursday that her father’s sister had been calling every week leading up to the upcoming holiday to make sure there will be vodka. “Hi, hon, just wanted to make sure you’re going to have my vodka there,” said the retired 63-year-old like she did every Thursday before yelling at her dog and audibly exhaling a long drag of her cigarette. “Otherwise I can stop at the Jewel on the way, they have a rebate on Gordon’s. Nothing fancy, just get the big one. I don’t have to be in at Kohl’s until 9:30 the next day, so I can cut loose! Your dad used too, let me tell ya. I don’t need any mixers, either. You’re all so ooh-la-la with your wine, but I never touch the stuff. Gives me gas.” At press time, Aunt Nance confirmed she was bringing her friend Randy too, but he only drinks Crown Royal.