Exhausted Man Just Going To Roll Over And Pretend He Didn’t See Horse Head In Bed For 5 More Minutes

LOS ANGELES—Mumbling “It’s way too early for this” under his breath, local man Ron Myers confirmed Friday that he was just going to roll over and pretend he didn’t see the horse head in his bed for five more minutes. “Nope,” said Myers, who took one look at the severed head of the prized racehorse bloodying his sheets, closed his eyes, and flopped backward to bury his face in his pillow. “Not at 7:30 a.m. we don’t. There will be plenty of time later to bolt upright and scream at the top of my lungs. It’s not like it’s going anywhere.” At press time, Myers was reportedly scrolling through his Instagram while continuing to ignore the horse head in his bed.