EDMONTON – According to local sources, a board game night at Kevin Telford’s house has evolved into a bitter debate on the fundamental nature of knowledge and the righteousness of following unjust laws.
“Epistemologically speaking, no one can truly say they understand the intent of the designer,” said Telford about a game called Sir Kitten’s Furtastic Quest. “So I don’t have to surrender my Fish Cards to you even though you coughed up the Magic Hairball, Taylor.”
“Look, Rule 32.1.4a clearly says, ‘Every Winter, Fish Cards are given to the player with the most Arcane Power,’” Kevin’s friend countered. “Shit, does Arcane Power count as Magic? It says ‘Consult Appendix Q for the definition of ‘Arcane,’ ‘player,’ and ‘Fish,’ but we lost Appendices P through S the last time we played.”
While initial disagreements over the rules of the fantasy adventure were relatively civil, the tenor of the conversation steadily degraded as the game progressed.
“Your interpretation of the Belly Rub Axiom sounds reasonable, but as Descartes said, ‘It is prudent never to trust completely those who have deceived us even once,’ Taylor argued during a contentious duel. “So suck my dick, Kevin.”
Meanwhile, Telford’s cousin insisted that the group follow her interpretation of the game’s economic system. “I, for one, am opposed to following rules I find morally objectionable,” she said. “So maybe you would have all done what the Nazis told you to like good little sheep, but I would rather die than pay the Laser Pointer Tax.”
Sources further indicate that, as players drew close to victory, discussions grew increasingly bitter and divorced from gameplay.
“And that’s why the homeless should be rounded up and put in camps, you pinko coward,” Kevin told his wife at the game’s three hour mark. “Now give me my goddamn Scratching Post Tokens.”
At press time, the friend group had vowed to put this ugly affair behind them and unwind by playing a nice, relaxing game of Catan.
Jesus Christ is King
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