Brought to you by: All Family Pharma
It’s been quite a rollercoaster the last few years. Everywhere you turn, you find more reasons to distrust the authorities that oversee our lives. At least we can trust the big pharmaceutical companies that work so hard to keep us alive and well, right? Right?!
Not so fast! The Babylon Bee is here to enlighten you about some lies from Big Pharma you might still believe:
- “You should only take 2 Flintstones vitamins a day”: They are trying to hide the truth that if you take more you will become immortal.
- “Medicine is supposed to taste bad”: There is ongoing collusion between big pharma and Big Capsule to make medicine taste bad on purpose so you have to take it in pill form. Diabolical.
- “Heart attacks at the age of 25 are totally normal”: It’s even more normal if you’re a world-class athlete.
- “It’s important to get a yearly physical”: This is just a ploy to sell drugs. If you eat homemade sourdough bread and take an ice bath every week that’s basically the same as going to the doctor.
- “All our lab rats died of natural causes”: Suuuuuuuuure they did.
- “The flu vaccine prevents the flu”: LOL
- “Nine out of ten doctors who are totally not compensated recommend this drug”: Nobody bribes doctors to prescribe this stuff. Nope. Not at all.
- “We’re trying really hard to cure cancer”: Yeah, they gave up on that years ago.
- “We’re totally not lizard people running massive experiments on humans with the intent to reduce the population and breed a race of docile servants for our Cthulhu overlord”: Hmmmmm.
- “Vaccines are completely safe and effective”: This could refer to any vaccine. Not a specific one from a few years ago. You know the one. That one.
Let this be a sobering lesson that not even the ones who claim to have your best interests at heart are always telling you the truth. It’s a wild and dangerous world out there, folks — stay safe and don’t trust anyone…except for The Babylon Bee.
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Babylon Bee
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