CEO Improves Company’s Morale By Sharing Intimate Descriptions Of Summer Home Renovations

SANTA ANA, CA—Emphasizing that employees should be proud of all the amazing things their hard work had accomplished, local CEO Bryan Arlington reportedly attempted to improve his company’s morale Monday by sharing intimate descriptions of his summer home renovations. “As many of you know, it’s been a difficult quarter financially for our company, but if there’s one thing we can all celebrate, it’s the fact that my beach house is almost done and looks better than I could have ever imagined,” Arlington said in an uplifting memo to his 200-person staff, detailing the struggles contractors faced as they tore down walls, fixed some nasty structural issues, and then transformed the previously modest bungalow into a six-bedroom, five-bathroom property. “Although it’s been a tough few months of cutting costs, scaling back, and losing some of our fellow employees, I do think it’s important to remember that all of that struggle was not in vain. Because I finally have my dream house that I can go to every weekend. Seriously, the chef’s kitchen has a Viking range with a double oven. The stove alone was like $10,000.” At press time, Arlington added that he dearly hoped the dire economic situation would reverse course for his employees soon, as he would love to break ground on an outdoor infinity pool.