Things To Never Say While Sexting

It’s redundant. They already confirmed via email.

Wednesday isn’t soon enough. Your lover needs cum now!

Fine to say later on, but you need to pace yourself. Starting with something as hot and heavy as this right away will make them blow their load immediately.

All close-up mounds of flesh are equally sexy, so it shouldn’t matter what exactly you’re looking at.

You don’t have to be completely honest when they ask what you’d be doing if you two were together right now.

Please, for the love of God, don’t send this without a photo of a promise ring.

Then why are you sexting!?!

It’s hotter to build up slowly to a sales pitch instead of diving right in.

This is just going to give away that you don’t know what sex is.

This is not how you want to reveal to the woman you met online that you are actually 63 years old.

Once is fine, but resist the urge to copy and paste this response to everything the other person says.

Poetry is best shared face-to-face.

It’s important to check in with your lover first to make sure they enjoy pleasure.

Don’t send a nondisclosure agreement without first looping your attorney into the chat.

You are confusing sexts with AIM away messages again.

Don’t ask, just send that pic!

You need to do your research before you begin sexting.

Actually, this is super hot.

You should tell your parents what this man who found you on Roblox has been saying.

It comes across as a little cheesy to quote Otto von Bismarck’s famous 1862 Blood and Iron speech

Typically, it’s considered unprofessional to sext at work.

It’s way too hard to do algebra while jerking off.

Not only is this wrong on so many levels, but if they are turned on by this, it’s probably illegal.

You’re a liar, just like everyone else! You wouldn’t be saying that if you hadn’t met someone else you like more, you fucking cheating piece of shit. Well, just know there will be blood on your hands when they kill themselves.

Keep it in your pants, pervert! She’s your mother!