Christian enjoys yet another day of not feeling unsafe because other Christians did crimes
Fredericton- Local Christian school administrator Fred McFinnigan woke up this morning, ate a hearty breakfast, and for the 15,344th consecutive day was not made to account for any criminal acts committed by current or historical practitioners of his faith.
Throughout the fall Tuesday Mr. McFinnigan reported as “normal” and “a bit rainy, I suppose”, nobody asked him whether he supported any Christian extremist groups, the theocratic policies of any foreign governments, or even whether he thought the pope had too much money. He never once thought about staying inside and keeping a low profile because the devout Christian President of Russia was bombing Ukraine just as nobody once threatened him during the decades of wars begun by George W. Bush.
“It was fine, I guess,” said Mr. McFinnigan, speaking about the lunch he purchased on land stolen by his religious forefathers from the local Mi’kmaq people and paid for with his wages earned from the church responsible for rampant sexual abuse of minors since before Confederation. “I like this restaurant, people are nice to me.”
Mr. McFinnigan’s friends confirmed that this particular Tuesday was fairly routine for the unmarried 42-year-old, who just wanders through life blindly unaware that anyone could ever think to hold him responsible for war crimes committed by people who share his religion. While not a prejudiced person per se, they did note that he often calls Christianity “civilizing” and when he hears about acts of violence is usually more quick to wonder about whether the perpetrator played video games or watched violent movies than whether or not they believed in his God.
“Fred’s not a political person,” said his neighbour, Sheila Rowe, about the man who shares a faith with a majority of historical North America’s slave owners and three out of five serial killers. “He thinks everyone should just get along.”
“I guess he’s an okay guy,” repeated Ahmed Bashar, a cashier at Mr. McFinnigan’s lunch spot and recent immigrant from Iran. “He once asked me if I knew anyone in ISIS, and when I made him repeat himself he pretended to ask if “I knew what time it is”, but I don’t think he meant any harm.”
Mr. McFinnigan, whose grandfather refused to allow Jews in his family-owned motel until 1953, was circumspect about his good fortune.
“I’m not sure why folks seem to trust me,” he said, smiling wistfully at the parish church he shares with 200 other parishioners, not even one of whom has ever been blamed for the building’s role in facilitating the local Indian Residential School. “I think people just like me because I’m honest.”
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