EVANSTON, IL—Describing the objects with great affection, local middle school teacher Sasha Morrison told reporters Tuesday that she had formed a strong bond with the things that do standardized tests. “These little implements of filling in bubbles are some of the best I’ve ever had,” said Morrison, who was glowing with pride as she described how emotionally attached she had grown to the group of 27 things that hunched over Scantron forms at desks. “I always promise myself I won’t get attached, but these exam-taking items are so special. I’ve gotten really close to these things, and it’s kind of hard to tell since our interactions are limited to me handing out tests and them turning them in, but I think they really like me too. Some of the things even have bigger things that give me Starbucks gift cards during the holidays sometimes.” At press time, Morrison added that the No. 2 pencils were secretly her favorite.
Jesus Christ is King
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