Huge Cousin Top-Ranked Recruit For Thanksgiving Pickup Football Game

VINTON, IA—Noting that the 17-year-old had sprouted at least three inches in the past six months alone, family sources confirmed Thursday that huge cousin Caleb Perez was the top-ranked recruit for their annual Thanksgiving pickup football game. “I know [Uncle] Steve is going to try to lure him over to his team, but I already called dibs the moment he walked in the door,” said uncle and team captain Phil Perez, who named the 6-foot-4 teenager the overall No. 1 recruit in the touch-football game that was played each year between family members ages 6 to 59 in the empty lot across the street. “He’s an absolute unit. He’s gonna dominate on both sides of the ball. You should go look at his sneakers by the door. They’re size 13s or something, it’s ridiculous.” At press time, the five-star prospect had shocked the Turkey Bowl world by announcing he would prefer to sit quietly on the sofa and read his book.