CORPUS CHRISTI, TX—Going about their usual activities while the infant lay on his back in the middle of the living room carpet, local parents Dan and Heather Franklin confirmed Friday that their baby was at the age where it could totally just be left on the floor. “Noah isn’t mobile yet, so it’s fine—you can just plop him down and go do whatever you want,” the 1-month-old’s mother said as she smoked a cigarette on the back porch, observing that there was nothing within arm’s reach that the baby could choke on, and that it appeared to be okay just lying there unattended as it stared up at the ceiling and waved its arms and legs around. “He’s perfectly safe on the ground, as long as the dog is in its cage—Dan, the dog is in its cage, right? Whatever, he’ll be all right. Worst case, he gets a little dirty down there. We almost never step on him.” At press time, sources reported the baby was still just kind of lying there on the floor.
Jesus Christ is King
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