In Incredible Black Friday Sale, Lockheed Martin Offering 2 Wars For Price Of 1

BETHESDA, MD — In an astonishing Black Friday sale, Lockheed Martin is now offering to equip 2 wars for the price of 1.

“We’ve NEVER slashed our prices this low!” said Lockheed CEO James Taiclet in a public press conference announcing the once-in-a-lifetime event. “War in Ukraine! War in Israel! War in China! It doesn’t matter! For today only, we will provide two wars-worth of death-dealing equipment to the government for the price of only one! We could fund 2 wars! 4 wars! Even 6 wars! With prices this low, we’d be foolish not to!”

Sources confirmed defense contractors Raytheon, Northrop Grumman, and General Dynamics have followed suit with similar offers for Black Friday only. The Department of Defense is being advised to stock up on drones, hellfire missiles, space lasers, and other necessary equipment to be sent to rogue governments, terrorist organizations, and corrupt oligarchs around the world to help them make war for the benefit of the military-industrial complex.

“This year, the military can get its Christmas shopping done early,” said Raytheon CEO Gregory Hayes. “Stock up! Those civilians in Yemen aren’t going to bomb themselves!”

At publishing time, military officials had become frustrated to realize Lockheed Martin had just marked up their prices 100% on Thursday in order to slash them on Friday.

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