Asian Guy Successfully Assimilates Into White Culture By Appropriating Black Culture

NEW YORK—Saying he had finally completed his years-long struggle for acceptance in the eyes of his fellow citizens, sources reported Tuesday that first-generation Asian American Hoang Ngo, 20, had successfully assimilated into white culture by appropriating Black culture. “He’s always talking about how he loves hip-hop, basketball, and Jordan sneakers, and that’s more than enough for us,” said Kendall Smith, a white friend of Ngo, who immigrated from Vietnam as a fifth-grader and quickly learned to discard his native accent, but only recently realized how much better he would fit in with white people if he adopted Black fashions and mimicked African American Vernacular English. “It must have been hard on him, as a kid, always coming across as such an outsider. But what he’s doing now totally makes sense to us. He should definitely put that hair in a durag, though.” At press time, the man had reportedly been given an opportunity to star in a movie with Awkwafina.