WASHINGTON—Staring down a likely expulsion from the House of Representatives, Rep. George Santos (R-NY) told reporters “I am just a little girl trapped at the bottom of a well” on Monday. “I was trying to get my beloved dolly Mildred back, but when I leaned over, I fell in too,” the embattled congressman said from his D.C. apartment, slamming Rep. Michael Guest (R-MS) and the rest of the House Ethics Committee for weaponizing their political power to go after a helpless 5-year-old girl from the Great Plains of Nebraska. “It’s so dark and so cold down here, and I’ve had nothing to eat or drink for hours. How can I have embezzled any campaign funds when I’m just a scared little baby farm girl? Pwease help me! I miss my ma and pa!” Santos went on to argue that it was unconstitutional to expel a congressperson who was trapped at the bottom of a well.
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