Vacationing Mom Taking Almost Pornographic Pleasure In Missing Bad Weather Back Home

BOCA RATON, FL—Letting out several deep moans as she remarked upon the terrible winter storm battering the Midwest, local mom Carrie Whittacker, currently on vacation in southern Florida, reportedly took an almost pornographic pleasure Monday in missing the bad weather back home. “Oh my, they’re really getting slammed—thank God we made it out before the snow started,” said the flushed, sweating woman, who then, amid oddly sharp breaths, spent a sunny afternoon by the pool during which she refreshed her weather app and watched news coverage, driving herself closer and closer to orgasm with each successive detail she learned. “Wow. Negative 10 degree temperatures. High wind gusts. And icy roads. Mmm. Just think how unfortunate it would be to be back home right now. We’d be miserable. Ohh. We’d probably have to call a plowing service. Ohh!” At press time, sources confirmed Whittacker had reached a toe-curling climax after she received a text from a neighbor saying they’d lost power and showing their family’s driveway completely buried under two feet of snow.