Biden Addresses Nation: ‘Does Anyone Else Ever Feel Like They’re Floating Through A Dream They Can Never Wake Up From?’

WASHINGTON—Speaking from the Oval Office, President Joe Biden addressed the nation Wednesday, stating, “Does anyone else ever feel like they’re floating through a dream they can never wake up from?” “As your president and commander-in-chief, I have to be honest and admit that sometimes, I don’t even feel like a person,” Biden said in his impromptu remarks, staring into the middle distance and describing what he called a sensation that “your feet had never touched solid ground” but “you’re not sure what you would do if they did.” “Everything’s just a little bit off, from the color of the sky to the shape and size of your wrist. It’s like you’re not sure if you’re dreaming, or if everyone else is, but it doesn’t matter because you don’t know what the difference between the two of those things would be anyway. In any case, please help me. Please come wake me up.” At press time, President Biden had reportedly removed his shoes and was lying on his back on the carpet.