BP Apologizes For Thinking Oil Would Look Cool Spilled Into Ocean Like It Does In Puddles

HOUSTON, TX—Taking accountability for a massive spill in the Gulf of Mexico, BP released a statement Wednesday apologizing for thinking that oil would look as cool spilled into the ocean as it does in puddles. “We thought the light would hit it and make it all cool and iridescent like it does on the side of the street,” read the statement by the oil giant in part, admitting that they “wasted all that oil” just for the 10,000 overturned barrels to end up looking black and inky rather than colorful and shimmery. “Don’t get us wrong, it does look interesting, but not nearly as badass as we wished, and for that we are sorry. The ducks do not look rainbow-y—they only look sad, and that was never our intention. Now that we have seen the outcome of such a devastating mistake, next time we will try somewhere shallower, like a small town’s water reservoir.” At press time, BP had allegedly dumped the remainder of their product in order to see a bunch of cool black sharks.