LOS ANGELES—Emphasizing how excited they were for the next chapter of their journey, all 22 contestants on the inaugural season of The Golden Bachelor simultaneously confirmed Thursday that they were pregnant. “On behalf of the Golden Bachelor contestants, I want to announce that we are all pregnant and so honored to carry Gerry’s children,” said contestant Susan Noles, adding that the 22 geriatric women, all between the ages of 60 and 75, couldn’t wait to give birth to the 72-year-old widower’s babies in April. “Despite the risks to our health, we plan to carry Gerry’s children to term and raise them with the best guy we know for as long as we’re still alive. It’s a miracle. We can’t wait to have 22 little golden bachelors running around!” At press time, the Golden Bachelor said through a spokesperson that the women were sluts and there was no way they could prove he was the father.
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