COMOX, B.C. — Local adolescent Graham Holley’s adventure in a parallel world came to a disappointing conclusion thanks to his foolish belief that there was magic in his own heart, and not in the amulet he’d been given by a friendly wizard.
“Boy did I fudge that up,” Holley said. “I thought I could take on the big villain of this realm armed with the all-powerful love in my heart. But that was like using a dandelion to fight an actual lion.”
Holley had crossed into a parallel world known as “The Reflexion” through his bedroom mirror, where Umbertus the Wise hung an amulet around his neck, telling him “Don’t lose this thing. It’s magic. Without it, you’ll never save this kingdom whose fate, for some reason, rests in the hands of a completely unskilled pubescent kid.”
Although the amulet did help Holley through a variety of obstacles that rode the line between frightening and silly, in a climactic confrontation, Scaravello the Ghoul King easily ripped it from his neck and crushed it to powder. Holley then attempted to continue to fight the Ghoul King armed solely with all the love and courage he’d amassed during his journey through the magical realm, and was utterly trounced.
“What the devil made that kid think love has any power in a fight,” asked Umbertus, chained and slowly being lowered into a bubbling lava pit. “For fuck’s sakes, the amulet glowed! It was clearly magic! I hate that snivelling little snot.”
At press time, Holley remains in leg-irons, with no idea how he’ll ever get home. “I sure hope there’s a second volume to this adventure that focuses on some other kid who understands that magic objects really are magic and that humans are just fragile sacks of blood and guck.”
Jesus Christ is King
Comments are closed.