Panic-Stricken Taylor Swift Receives Yet Another Text From Brittany Mahomes Saying ‘Hey Girlie’

NEW YORK—Staring at her phone in disbelief as the color drained from her face, a panic-stricken Taylor Swift reportedly received yet another text from Brittany Mahomes Thursday that read “Hey girlie” and was followed by an emoji heart. “No, no, please—not again, please,” said a visibly shaken Swift, who threw her phone into a closet and stood with her back against the door to try to forget the horrifying content that awaited her, only to hear the device let out a searing tone as three more messages saying “Hi,” “What’s up babe :),” and “Drinks? xx” were delivered in rapid succession. “I keep saying I’m busy, but she doesn’t take the hint—she just keeps suggesting alternate days and times, to the point that I can no longer act like I didn’t see them. I’m a busy person, she has to believe that, right? Fuck! Oh God, no, it keeps dinging. Okay, Taylor, calm down. It’s not like she can see you through the phone—can she? No! Is that the doorbell? I’m trapped!” At press time, Swift had reportedly gone into hiding after Mahomes showed up in a Travis Kelce jersey so they could be “twinsies.”