Custodian Warns It May Take Months To Remove Cashmere Sweaters From George Santos’ Office

WASHINGTON—Emphasizing this was not the type of job they could simply complete in a day or two, custodians warned leaders in the House of Representatives Friday that it could take months to remove all the cashmere sweaters from former congressman George Santos’ office. “While we had hoped to have his area cleaned out by next week, we have discovered enormous, towering piles of cashmere sweaters filling more or less the entire space assigned to Rep. Santos and his staff,” said Jean Kessel, head custodian of the Longworth House Office Building, adding that despite her crew’s hard work, the finely woven garments still filled nearly every cabinet and drawer in the three-room suite, and the disgraced lawmaker’s desk and chair were completely encased in a 10-foot-tall mound of the discarded apparel. “When we first opened the door, it was impossible to enter the room, as thousands of pounds of sweaters in powder blue, heather gray, crimson, and espresso blocked our way. Most had crew necks, some had a quarter zip, but they were all there, filling the space from floor to ceiling. Unfortunately, even with our plans to remove a wall and bring in a forklift, we might not have this mess cleared up until May.” At press time, a team of engineers had ordered members of Congress to evacuate the building, declaring the piles of sweaters to be structurally unsound.