NASA Removes Last Confederate Satellite From Earth’s Orbit

WASHINGTON—Turning the page on what they acknowledged was a painful chapter in the space agency’s history, NASA officials announced Friday they had decommissioned and removed the last Confederate satellite from Earth’s orbit. “A vital part of the Confederacy’s fight to preserve slavery, these Civil War­ military satellites should have been shot down a long time ago,” said NASA spokesperson Shayna Royce, who took time to thank the protestors who in 2020 launched themselves into space to hang Black Lives Matter flags over the surveillance and communication devices once used by Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, J.E.B. Stuart, and other Southern generals. “Some have argued these satellites are a vital part of the South’s heritage and should be preserved, but we believe our nation’s shameful legacy of racism has no place in the night sky. Please know that as soon as our astronauts return to the moon, they will remove the Confederate flag that is planted on its surface.” Today’s news follows NASA’s recent announcement that it would no longer allow weddings to be held at the International Space Plantation.