Climate Activists’ Private Planes Freeze Themselves To Runway In Powerful Protest

MUNICH — In a beautiful act of protest, the private planes of several climate activists stuck themselves to the runway with giant sheets ice.

Continuing climate activists’ preferred method of protest, the planes apparently glued themselves to the runway with ice to prevent activists from traveling to a climate change conference in Dubai. “These planes really nailed the holy grail of climate change protests, both sticking themselves to an object and obstructing transportation,” said local man Hans Meyer. “Their climate activist owners have taught them well — perhaps too well.”

According to sources, hundreds of extraordinarily wealthy climate activists were scheduled to meet in Dubai to discuss what the poors are doing to the climate. Four hundred private jets were expected at the Dubai International Airport, where individual SUV motorcades would shuttle each activist to one of the most posh hotels on the planet. Asked why the activists did not meet over Zoom to help the climate, the activists reportedly responded, “You must must be one of the poors, aren’t you?”

At publishing time, climate activists had vowed to always keep their plane heaters running in the future to prevent such protests.

Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.

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Babylon Bee