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Mom Asks If You Still Friends With That One Guy Who Committed Suicide

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POCATELLO, ID—Inquiring about one of your acquaintances who she said she hadn’t seen in a while, your mom asked Monday if you were still friends with that one guy, Daniel Corimer, who committed suicide a decade ago. “Whatever happened to your old pal Danny, from school? He always seemed so nice,” your mother said about the high school classmate of yours who tragically took his own life, inspiring a school-wide candlelight vigil that was covered in your hometown newspaper and also made the local evening news. “I was just thinking the other day how he doesn’t come around anymore. I always did like seeing him. You two should reconnect. Why don’t you ask him to lunch sometime?” Your mother added that, who knows, he might still be single, because she doesn’t remember ever hearing anything about him getting married.

The Onion

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