Candidates Spend GOP Debate Trying To Hog-Tie Greased-Up Nude Man Representing Woke Mind Virus

TUSCALOOSA, AL—Running around the stage in an effort to corner the unnamed individual, presidential candidates spent the fourth GOP primary debate Wednesday evening attempting to hog-tie a greased-up nude man who reportedly represented the woke mind virus. “It takes a strong woman to catch a nude, greased-up man,” said former U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley, prompting audience members to applaud. Meanwhile, out-of-breath former New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was seen patting his thighs, whistling, and pulling out a Slim Jim with which to coax the snarling, scampering man. Reports also confirmed that Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida writhed on the floor in pain after the greased-up man sank his teeth into his ankle, and that businessman Vivek Ramaswamy simply opened fire on the target. Political analysts declared the debate had no clear winner after the nude stranger escaped into the night.