Man Has Compulsive Need To Tell Every Waiter How He Used To Be A Waiter

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—Immediately remarking “This is called a four-top” as he was seated with a group of friends at a restaurant Monday, local man Billy Wall reportedly demonstrated his compulsive need to tell every waiter how he used to be a waiter. “Don’t worry, we’re not going to be one of those nightmare tables, because I actually used to be a waiter, too,” Wall said to his server, calling himself an “industry veteran” and repeatedly referring to the eight months after college when he had worked for his friend’s dad’s steakhouse. “You can keep things casual with us, since I know all the jargon like ‘reservation’ and ‘shift.’ I used to get hammered every night because the bartender would slip us drinks, so I definitely won’t narc on you if you want to have a couple. I know how it goes! This time of night we used to get absolutely slammed by dinner service—do you guys do that here, too? Hey, what’s for family meal tonight? I know that term from back in the day, when I waited tables myself.” At press time, Wall was overheard assuring his dining companions that, as a former waiter himself, he knew that leaving a tip would be insulting.