Alabama Middle Schooler Jailed After Taking Basketball Back Out From Under Her Shirt

HERONSBURG, AL—Under the terms of a strict ban that took effect in the state with the overturning of Roe v. Wade, an Alabama seventh-grader was arrested and jailed Wednesday after taking a basketball back out from under her shirt, according to law enforcement. “Every basketball found under someone’s shirt is a miracle from God, and you can’t just decide you’re not going to take responsibility for it,” said state Attorney General Steve Marshall, explaining that the 12-year-old’s decision not to continue carrying the ball beneath her Heronsburg Wildcats T-shirt was a Class A felony and would be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. “If you didn’t want to keep the basketball, you shouldn’t have shoved it up your shirt. You knew the consequences of this going in, and your failure to comply with Alabama law means you could face life in prison for ripping out that helpless ball. Who knows what it could’ve gone on to accomplish if you hadn’t committed this atrocity?” At press time, authorities stated the middle schooler would not receive any leniency despite evidence the basketball had been placed up her shirt by her father.