TAMPA, FL—Saying you fucked with the wrong guys this time, the nation’s leathery old men with veneers held a press conference Wednesday to announce their plan to see you in court. “We’re going to sue your ass into oblivion,” said 68-year-old Bernard Wheatcraft, one of several thousand leathery men who reportedly gave off a lingering scent of Bengay as their unnaturally white teeth glinted in the sun and they screamed that you would be hearing from their lawyers very soon. “You think you can take advantage of us? Not a fucking chance, bozo. We will ruin you.” At press time, the leathery old men with veneers reportedly got into convertible Stingrays, honked their horns while shouting something that could not be deciphered, and drove away with their third wives, all of whom had spray tans and botched breast implants.
Jesus Christ is King
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