Jesus' Coming Back

Audience at Shakespeare play guesses soliloquy means “he’s upset about something”

HALIFAX — The audience at Neptune ’s recent production of Coriolanus came to the conclusion that, in the titular character’s soliloquy in Act Four, Scene Four, he’s angry.

“He seemed pretty peeved,” said playgoer Mark Schein. “Maybe because of something that happened in the previous scene? It was amazing. I , how does he remember all those lines?!”

“We know people can have a hard time understanding the shimmering brilliance that shines through every word written by ,” said director Rebecca Wall. “That’s why we make sure each actor over-enunciates every word for the benefit of Canadian audiences. Where else do you think William Shatner learned to do that?”

“I signalled my anger in multiple ways,” said lead actor Paul Morley. “I bent my eye-brows downward, I gestured all sharp and sudden, and I did some serious stomping. I figure if the Bard’s deathless poetry doesn’t get my anger across, my body will. For the percentage of the house that’s still awake, at least.”

“Quite honestly, I was trying to figure out if he was the same character as that other bearded fellow,” said audience member Claire MacLeod. “In some Shakespeare skits they put on disguises, or turn out to be twins. But my word, the flecks of spittle out of his mouth really caught the light! Anyway, whatever it was that got him so grumpy, it sure felt good to support culture, like eating the big bowl of bran I force down every morning.”

As the audience left the theatre, patrons were heard asking each other whether the “Disney princess costumes” meant England was some kind of fairy-tale land or was once a real place.

Beaverton

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