Man Wondering If Wife Ever Going To Clean Up Mess She Made Blowing Her Brains Out

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL—Noting that he somehow always got stuck with all the worst household chores, local man Dennis Bergmeau told reporters Thursday that he was wondering if his wife was ever going to clean up the mess she’d made while blowing her brains out. “I’ve ignored it for as long as I could, but when she put a bullet through her head this morning, she left the place disgusting,” said Bergmeau, adding that ever since his wife put a gun to her temple and pulled the trigger, the bathroom had been borderline unusable. “I try to be a good husband and clean up after her when I can, but come on, I’m not going to spend all day deep-cleaning her blood, brains, and skull fragments from the walls when it’s clearly her job. Plus, she used up all the bullets, even though it was her turn to go shopping for more. God, she’s so selfish.” At press time, Bergmeau had reportedly draped a blanket over his wife’s body, closed the door, and passive-aggressively left some cleaning supplies nearby, saying he hoped she would get the hint.