Toyota Reveals That Any Babies Conceived In Backseats Of Their Cars Belong To Them Now

TOYOTA CITY, JAPAN—Noting that the policy was clearly stated in the purchase agreement for every vehicle it sold, Toyota revealed Thursday that any babies conceived in the backseats of their cars belonged to them. “If you, as a Toyota customer, ever had sex in an automobile we manufactured and, as a result, had a child, that child is officially ours now,” said CEO Koji Sato, adding that the policy applied to children who were conceived in Toyotas of every model and year, including Camrys, Priuses, and Highlanders. “We value our customers and their commitment to the Toyota brand, which is why we want to make it very clear that this rule holds whether you had sex in the front seat, the backseat, or even on top of the hood of one of our cars. Should you have one of these children, we urge you to turn them into your nearest Toyota dealership immediately. Also, they are named Toyota now.” At press time, Toyota issued a recall of all RAV4s after engineers discovered that not a single child had been conceived within several hundred feet of the vehicles.