Genius: Man Eats 17 Tacos Before Flight So Southwest Will Give Him Free Row Of Seats

DENVER, CO — Southwest Airlines, known for its humane “person of size” seating policy, was reportedly conned out of an entire row of seats by a Denver man who ate too many tacos. After some quick thinking, airline passenger Adrian Herald ate 17 tacos to score extra seating for free.

“I am fat, as you can see,” the man said as he scarfed down his seventeenth gordita. “I’m going to need an extra seat. No, make that three!”

Due to a strict “no questions” policy, the ticketing agent handed Herald a boarding pass good for three seats to the only slightly pudgy man.

“I can’t really judge who is fat or not,” said Southwest Airlines employee Chelsea River when questioned about the policy. “He did have a little pouch around the midsection, and we’re not going to question whether a male customer is plus-sized or just pregnant. It’s not polite to ask.”

According to the Southwest Airlines employee handbook, employees are instructed not to question whether or not a passenger genuinely needs additional seats, if a child qualifies for adult ticket prices, or if someone is, in fact, a fatty.

“Ha! I totally got away with it!” Adrien Herald said as he laid down across three airline seats.

At publishing time, the man spent most of the flight in the bathroom, unable to enjoy the extra seats he had scammed Southwest out of.

Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.

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Babylon Bee