‘It’s A Great Time To Buy A House,’ Says Realtor Who Gets Paid If You Buy A House

DENVER, CO — “It’s a great time to buy a house right now,” said Jazz Price, the realtor who gets paid if you buy a house right now.

Jazz reaffirmed that it was a great time to buy as he gave in-person showings to prospective buyers who felt a little uneasy about the state of the housing market.

“This one-of-a-kind hidden gem is priced to sell and it’s perfect for entertaining!” Jazz told each home shopper that came out for the open house. “Not only is it a perfect starter home, it just suits you and your family’s needs perfectly! There’s great schools nearby and no crime. Also, this could easily be turned into your dream home with a little TLC. Did I mention that it’s a great time to buy a house right now?”

“Yes, you have done it at least several times since I’ve been here,” said one man. “I just don’t know. $800,000 for a two-bed/one-bath and interest rates at 6% for a mortgage just seem excessively high.”

“I can give you a free market analysis if you’d like, but prices going up means it’s a great time to buy!” replied Jazz cheerfully as he imagined each person as talking dollar signs. “In fact, I have several people lined up to buy this house if you decide to wait a single moment on snatching this great deal up!”

“But isn’t there an all-time low inventory of homes compared to the demand for homes which results in high prices to the buyer?” asked one woman.

“Did you notice this house is an open concept floor plan and would you just look at these granite counters?” replied the top realtor in Denver County. “If it’s not a great time to buy a house, then I am not the top realtor in Denver County and my name isn’t Jazz Price!”

“I don’t know,” said one woman. “I just went to McDonald’s and the combo meal just set me back $14. Maybe, I’m not ready for the commitment of a 30-year mortgage at these prices.”

At publishing time, another man noticed several cracks in the foundation and a faint moldy smell coming from the walls, but top realtor Jazz Price continued on with his cheerful sales pitch which would help him get paid.

Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction
Babylon Bee

Jesus Christ is King