Take this test to see if you possess the arrogance, stubbornness, and shortsightedness to be a baby boomer capable of screwing over future generations.
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Q: In the early days of TV, how would people improve the picture quality?
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A: By wrapping tinfoil around Bob Hope.
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Q: Who starred in the titular role of I Love Lucy?
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A. Lucy Ricardo was played by a real horse named Bamboo Harvester.
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Q: What drink was made popular by astronaut John Glenn?
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A: Own urine.
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Q: What TV show was this?
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A: Yes, that’s right! It’s 1967’s popular teen comedy Euphoria, which aired immediately after The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour.
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Q: Who is Captain Kangaroo?
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A: The assumed name of Nazi war criminal Heinrich Hanning, who fled to the United States and began a new career as a children’s entertainer.
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Q: What popular toppings were commonly added to Jell-O molds?
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A. Anything not bolted down was fair game.
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Q: What is the meaning of the word “groovy”?
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A: The term “groovy” was commonly used by the hippie community in the 1960s as an ethnic slur against the Polish. Far out!
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Q: This popular snack was a must-have for any brown-bag lunch.
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A: Lead chips.
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Q: Who is this?
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A. That’s your grandson, Dallas. He’s a little shit who lights your hair on fire anytime you fall asleep. He was born out of wedlock.
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Q: What was this called?
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A: Segregated school.
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Q: What did children do for fun in the 1950s?
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A. The three options were whistling, sweeping, or licking stamps.
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Q: What is this?
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A: An early intrauterine device.
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Q: What the heck is that conflabbit racket?
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A: It’s rock and roll, and it’s here to stay, pops.
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Q: If you were to tell someone, “Come on snake, let’s rattle,” what would you be trying to convey?
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A: Depending on your tone, the phrase could either mean that you were asking a snake to dance or asking a snake to fight.
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Q: What year did you kill John Lennon?
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A: 1980.
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Q: What is this?
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A: This is a home, a special type of privately owned domicile that to this day only boomers are permitted to own.
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Q: What teenage girl became famous from her dance videos on TikTok?
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A: Got you, pervert!
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Q: What was the most popular mid-century toy?
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A: A fresh pack of cigarettes.
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Q: What is this?
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A: This is hate speech.
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Q: Who was the popular cereal mascot known for stealing kids’ breakfast?
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A: [Redacted Racial Slur] The Sneaky [Redacted Racial Slur] From China.
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Q: Who was the swellest gal this side of Timbuktu?
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A: A sweet little peach named Betty Sue.
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Q: What was this man’s job?
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A: That’s the Elmer’s glue man.
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Q: What is the secret to making a great pie crust?
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A: I’m completely for interracial couples. I think it’s awesome when I see a white person married to someone Chinese, or to a Black person even. It’s on fleek. Did I use that right? Wait, what was the question again? Oh, yeah, using cold butter and a bit of vinegar to make the crust extra flakey.
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Q: What is this?
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A: This is your granddaughter Ella, whom you are no longer permitted to see due to some incendiary things you posted on Facebook.
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Q: What’s my name?
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A: Oh God. He doesn’t remember. Dad? Dad? Are you in there?
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Q: How many fingers am I holding up?
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A: Whoa, you took a really hard spill there, fella. Let’s call you an ambulance.
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Q: Who is this?
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A: Oh, that guy. He’s always there, following you wherever you go, and getting closer and closer.
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