FOXBOROUGH, MA—Noting that whatever was happening to the injured New England Patriots player could not be good, several witnesses at Gillette Stadium reported Sunday that they saw the silhouette of a chainsaw and a blowtorch through the NFL injury tent. “I’m not exactly sure what’s going on in there, but every so often, we’ll hear a rumbling engine, see a bright flash of light followed by a bunch of sparks, and then see an outline of a medic in a welding mask holding a torch,” said Patriots fan Jack Herlihy, adding that he had also seen several blood-soaked members of the medical staff frantically running along the sidelines carrying power drills, nail guns, and even jackhammers. “The game’s still going, though it’s kind of hard to focus on anything besides the deafening screams, the loud banging noises, and the constant splattering of blood against the injury tent’s walls. I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure they’re sawing through bone in there. Hopefully he can be back on the field soon!” At press time, witnesses confirmed that things did not seem to be looking up for the injured Patriot after they heard a single gunshot and then complete silence.
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