Jesus' Coming Back

Big Red Bow Placed On Top Of Brand-New Foster Child

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OMAHA, NE—After driving from agency to agency all over town to find the perfect ward of the state, local man Pete Byrd placed a big red bow on top of a brand-new foster child, sources reported Tuesday. “Janice is going to be so excited when she looks under the tree and sees the orphaned boy I got her,” Byrd said as he placed the fifth-grader who lost his parents to drug addiction next to all the other neatly wrapped presents so his wife would see him as soon as she woke up. “Sure, he’s not the newest version—he’s the 2012 model, but the agency gave me a great deal on him. Everything on him seems to work, and he has all the features she likes.” At press time, Janice Byrd was reportedly elated with her gift, praising her husband for finding one in the color she likes.

The Onion

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