Jesus' Coming Back

Senators Reveal Best Places To Have Sex In Capitol

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“Well… Oh God, I can’t do this. Rosario, if you’re seeing this, I miss you so much. Give me another chance—I’ll do better. I’ll take my pants all the way off when we make love, rather than pulling them up even higher. We don’t have to eat every dinner at the same steampunk fondue place. I can change. Please! Rosariooooooo!”

The Onion

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