Exhausted Billionaire Just Wants To Curl Up And Rewatch Enslaved Hugh Grant And Julia Roberts Perform ‘Notting Hill’ At Gunpoint

ATHERTON, CA—Hoping to unwind and enjoy one of his all-time favorite films, an exhausted billionaire reported Wednesday that he just wanted to curl up and rewatch an enslaved Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts perform Notting Hill at gunpoint. “I must’ve seen it a million times, but I still love the chemistry those two have after being let out of their cages and forced to reprise their roles as Will Thacker and Anna Scott under threat of death,” said billionaire Jameson Winthrop, who acknowledged he had far more expensive forms of entertainment at his disposal, but often preferred to simply kick back with a couple slices of pizza and enjoy the old rom-com as his private security force shoved their gun barrels into the actors’ faces and screamed, “Play!” “It’s been a long day, I’m tired, so why shouldn’t I relax and watch the ‘I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy’ scene in the heavily barricaded slave quarters deep beneath my home? You can see real tears welling up in their eyes when they know a single flubbed lines means they’ll be taking a rifle butt to the head.” At press time, the billionaire had reportedly grown bored with Notting Hill and asked that Mark Hamill, 72, and James Earl Jones, 92, be released from their cells and made to fight with lightsabers.