YARMOUTH, ME—In an attempt to provide a hands-on understanding of mammalian biology, a ninth-grade class at Lincoln High School reportedly taught students how to mutilate a pig carcass Friday. “We want our kids to have firsthand experience of what it’s like to cut out a pig’s tongue and nail it to the wall to intimidate someone,” said biology teacher Marsha D’Apolito, who described how she always started the class by showing students the correct process for cutting off the swine’s face and wearing its skin as a mask while chasing around unsuspecting classmates. “Sure, some students get a little squeamish when we ask them to carve their name into the dead pig’s stomach. But this sort of knowledge of porcine musculature will prove invaluable once they start torturing live ones.” D’Apolito added that any students who wished to skip the exercise could simply write an essay in pig’s blood describing how their future victims will suffer.
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