LAKE JACKSON, TX — Former Congressman Ron Paul was spotted muttering nervously to himself today while standing in line to see Santa Claus at a nearby shopping mall, as he hoped this would finally be the year he would get what he wanted by asking for the 47th consecutive year for Santa to end the Fed.
“This is the year, I just know it,” Dr. Paul was overheard whispering as he inched closer to the front of the line. “I’ve been asking for the same thing every Christmas for almost half a century now. Surely this year will be the year I finally get it. I’ve been so good all year long!”
Witnesses reported seeing the former congressman cautiously approach Santa’s large, elaborate throne before settling onto the rotund man’s lap. “I wouldn’t say he looked scared,” said one bystander. “He looked like he had been there many times before. Confident, but cautious is how I would describe him.”
“What would you like for Christmas, my good sir?” Santa was heard asking Paul.
“I ask for nothing but the same thing I’ve asked for every year, Mr. Claus,” the former congressman responded. “I humbly ask that you grant me my Christmas wish to end the Fed. The Federal Reserve must be abolished because it is immoral, impractical, unconstitutional, poor economic policy, and a problem that has undermined our liberty since its inception.”
“Yes, well,” Santa replied before clearing his throat. “Wouldn’t you rather have a nice, new bicycle?”
At publishing time, Dr. Paul was seen leaving the store still in good spirits, knowing he’d either get the complete elimination of the Federal Reserve or at least a sweet new bike.
As the country slowly increases in racism and right-wing bigotry, it’s important to ensure you don’t get caught up in their evil MAGA ways.
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